When we lose a loved one, nothing can fully prepare us for the feelings that follow. We often hear about the grief process, but what if grief is not merely a process to navigate or a feeling to overcome? What if grief is more like a barren landscape where we sit and watch the world pass by until we are ready to step back into life? The thing about barren places is that, even there, we can find beauty if we look closely.
We grieve because we love. We grieve because we will never again hear that person say our name, hug us, encourage us, or share life with us. The person we lost may have possessed a magical essence that brought out parts of us that no one else can. How then do we explain to others what we are grieving? Grief has many dimensions, and perhaps, just for today, you can focus on one aspect while the other parts of you take a rest.
Grief can feel like a stale cup of tea that has been sitting out for ages. When we finally take a sip, we find it cold, just like our lives feel without that person. It’s the realisation that the phone will never ring again, that life suddenly feels lonelier, quieter, and colder.
One truth about grief is that we are never truly prepared for it. Even if we know someone is going to die, we can never really be ready, as that would mean accepting the reality of a life that is now lonelier, an idea that suggests the colour will fade from our lives.
What you will learn about grief:
- Sometimes, you will feel angry, sad, lonely and lost because your heart is hurting, and that is ok.
- Grief can be an incredibly lonely experience; not everyone will understand what you're going through or how difficult it can be. Not everyone will remember as you do or carry the loss in the same way.
- Grief can surface unexpectedly, even when you try to hold it together; it can catch you off guard while you're shopping.
- Grief changes not just our world but also how we perceive and experience it.
- Grief introduces different shades of grey into life; some days feel greyer than others.
- Grief makes your heart ache.
- Grief can take your breath away, but your breath will return; these moments are temporary.
- The body knows how to grieve, even when your mind does not.
- You will discover resilience and strength within that you didn’t know existed.
- Some days, you need to nurture yourself and go for a walk. Other days, you might need others to love you more because they deserve all of you, including my sad parts.
- Grief will teach you about balance, love, and being patient with yourself.
- We cannot have roses without thorns. Some beautiful things in life will emerge from sorrow and will carry significant weight, granting you peace and stillness.
- Grief will teach you that it’s okay not to think about the person every day. You are not forgetting or moving on; you are allowing your heart to grow around the painful places.
- Grief never leaves us. We become people who have experienced loss and carry it in our hearts.
- Most importantly, grief will teach you that the relationship with the person you lost doesn’t end. Because you are still here, the relationship still lives on.
- Feeling sadness is okay. You can grieve and still be alright.
I think the most important thing I have learned about grief is that eventually things change, because you have changed. That eventually you will notice the warmth of the sun, the colour of a rainbow, the warmth of a hug... it all just takes time.